Education

A few years ago, my daughter opened one of her holiday gifts from us and burst into tears. “It’s not the right one!” she wailed. The crying continued for a while. I experienced my own disappointment. I want my kids to be gracious in both giving and receiving gifts. Watching her behavior that night reminded me of spoiled Nellie on Little House on the Prairie and made me question how well I was doing at this parenting job.

When the intensity of the moment finally passed, we talked as a family about what had happened. I learned more about my daughter and myself. She explained in her own way that her disappointment stemmed not from the fact that she hadn’t received the gift that she had wanted. She understood that sometimes you get things you wish for and sometimes you don’t. She was upset because she believed she was definitely getting what she wanted, and then found out that what she received was different than what she had expected. I learned that opening presents was not the fun activity I thought it would be for my daughter. Given the option, she preferred to know clearly what she was and was not receiving so she would know what to expect and there would be no surprises.

Hmmm. Sound familiar? As adults, how graciously do we deal with outcomes in life that look different than the way we believed something was going to go? When we don’t get the promotion we believed we were slated to receive, when we do get the divorce we never planned to need, when a young loved one is diagnosed with a serious illness despite living a healthy lifestyle, how gracious are we in our response to the situation? It’s not that we don’t believe that these things occur. We get upset from believing things were going to be one way, and then experiencing a radical change in plans that we could not control.
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